We are all sitting around my table. It’s late, I’m tipsy, and not the only one. The music is playing loud and the stream of consciousness conversation lulls for a brief moment. I think to myself how ready for bed I am…but everyone still seems very much awake with hours of energy left. And then my great friend the dry-land sheep says “I just want to go home so I can fart in my own bed!”
Silence. Did she just say that? Then we all burst into laughter; first in agreement that we know the feeling and second that she chose to share that thought out loud. Don’t pretend to yourself you don’t know the bliss of letting it riiiiip while cocooned in the warmth of your own bed. You feel the rumblings a’comin and instead of holding it just tense your stomach and squeeze! Is that eau de broccoli I smell?
I digress. Hearing someone acknowledge what they are really thinking and feeling can be quite refreshing. (Minus the odor, please.) Why do we hold ourselves back from saying the things we really want to say, and showing our inner heart? It is a beautiful ability to allow yourself to simply be who you are, especially if you are confident enough to do this outside of your comfort zone of close friends and family.
I am at a point in my life that I should have been at many years ago. Alas, I made some bad choices and I am here now instead. I want to be myself 100%. The trick is in figuring out who I really am so that I can be myself 100% of the time. Even in saying that I question my choice of words; were my decisions really “bad?” I learned from them, that’s never bad. Sometimes I had to do the same thing a couple of times before I learned from it, but perhaps that was what I needed.
If God were to strip away every material possession that I own, if my son, my home, my car, my job and everything that I revolve my life around were to disappear, who would remain? What kind of person am I? What do I stand for? Believe in? What or Who do I truly live for? I want to show my son that for him the sky is the limit, and in order to do that I feel like I need to believe in this for myself too. After all, that’s what my parents always told me. When did I stop believing that and why?
I am determined to accept myself as I am so that I can accept my son as he is. It’s a work in progress and I am thankful for my friends who set shining examples with their quirkiness and willingness to share themselves with me. Each and every one of them is a beautiful person to me and I hope they know it.
P.S. I only feel free to announce my farts in advance with certain people, you know who you are.