I think I’m suffering from too much potential.

I was giving my little baby girl a bath and imagining this scenario in my head……….

I’m sitting on the therapist’s couch and telling him that my brain is like a ping pong ball in my head sometimes. I have all these thoughts and ideas, so much creativity! But I don’t have a problem or anything. I mean, I don’t need therapy. I just need a funnel, or a starting point for all these damn projects! I need a Stay-At-Home-Mom Bootcamp Coach! Except I don’t know who to pay for that kind of service so instead sitting here telling you. Go figure.

I have a vivid imagination. And 👆🏼 that’s also a pretty good example of a random ping pong ball-thought. I mean, I was giving her a bath and thinking that at the same time?? I finished the bath, she got a good coconut oil with lavender oil rub-down, cozy warm clean clothes, a bottle for lunch, and a nap. I’m a little jealous. I would like to have all of that and be able to work out, wear makeup, and fix my hair so I can look fabulous while I write my blog, do my homework, and complete various home-improvement projects in my pjs. I think I’m suffering from too much potential.

Is that even a thing? I told my best girlfriend this yesterday and she totally got it, so I think even if it isn’t a thing, that other women might get it.  I really don’t have a therapist, but if I did, I would tell him or her all about how I believe I might have adult ADHD because I can’t focus to save my life. (I checked the website, in the last six months I can check off every single symptom on an almost daily basis, so I totally have it.)  One million interruptions from a six month old baby doesn’t help either. But really, why am I so stuck? I can’t find a starting place for my home-improvement, self-improvement, life-improvement projects! Okay, and maybe I don’t have ADHD. I’m not claiming that. I’m going to manifest the positive! Next project: BE POSITIVE AND STAY FOCUSED! I’m starting now.

Okay. So I do not have adult ADHD but I am stuck. I feel like a kid in a candy shop and I can have all the candy 😍, so I don’t know where to start. I feel overwhelmed by my time and all the things I dream up that I want to do with it. (Note to self, make a separate post and write all of that down.) Why am I so wonderful at coming up with ideas and pushing other people to action, but I cannot seem to take action myself? *I did a mini happy dance in my head just now because that was a eureka moment* I really do have a problem taking action.

But what is that about, Lord? I am so good at pushing other people to action, at helping to motivate them or just whatever they need. So then why do I sit over here stuck in inaction? This is my father’s problem. I see the same pattern in his life. We share that same unique ability for inspiring passion in others. It’s like boiling water. That slow simmering ripple on the surface, it builds into a crescendo of bubbles, and eventually they erupt on the surface! Mini explosions of heat just splattering water everywhere! That’s what passion feels like in my blood. But when it’s time for me to follow through, and longer then just a few days or weeks, it just fizzles out. Fizz…..crackle…..no more pop. 😔  I think I finally understand what they mean when they say those who cannot do, teach. I’m STUCK, I don’t know how to do!

Action cures fear. Lord, help me to take action and fight my fear! NO FEAR! Amen.

P.S. Well I’m not all inaction. I did do something. I wrote this post. So take that.
Me: 1      Self-recrimination: 1


2 responses to “I think I’m suffering from too much potential.

  1. Well said Toni, and your advice pretty much captures my struggle! It’s just practicing self awareness so I can implement all of that. I feel so responsible for all the “failures” of things not getting done that I do not think I’m really present in any moment because I keep giving energy to should’s and would’s and guilt.

  2. I have learned that to still all that crazy tummult in ones mind, it really helps to very intentionally be All There! Where ever you are in any given moment, be all there emotionally and mentally as well as physically. That is how you live richly and suck the marrow out of the bones in every moment you are given.
    When the ideas come, record and capture them in the notes in your phone. To be drawn from, when the time is right! And it is OK if only one out of 10 comes to fruition. Our thoughts are only the fodder from what we choose to design our life from.
    Embrace this season for all the greatness it is worth. Even what most feel is mundane, you may make sacred. And remember, your children are never interruptions! They are what it is all about! What ever gets done, alongside of them, is icing on the cake.

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