Give us this day, our daily bread

Our Father who art in heaven
Hallowed be thy name
Thy kingdom come
Thy will be done
On earth, as it is in heaven
And give us this day, our daily bread
And forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us
And lead us not into temptation
But deliver us from evil
For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever,
Amen.

Dude. First, I am so hungry. I have to eat something before I can go any further lol.

👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼👆🏼 So that was written last night. I ended up eating half a banana. I thought my stomach was going to eat itself. I WISH my stomach would eat itself! Lord knows I have enough belly fat to last me a few meals…He also knows what “our daily bread is.” Something I have always pondered.

I don’t think that’s the “proper version” of the prayer but whatever. This is what my son and I pray every single day, and it blesses us. (He prays it when he is scared or nervous and every day on the way to school.) But I’ve always wanted to know, what does daily bread mean? And not the literal answer. I’ve asked and been told it’s just bread, like food – we need to eat! But it always nags at me, there is a deeper spiritual meaning there and I haven’t uncovered it. Maybe that deeper meaning is just for my heart and not for everyone else’s, idk.

Today I made peasant bread. It. Is. Delicious. Melts in your mouth, spongy and soft with the perfect crust.  I could eat the whole loaf.  So God did indeed give me daily bread today and I am praying out loud and saying THANK YOU and trying to rephrase the panic anthem on repeat in my head. Because I am panicking. I’m terrified. We’re about to be stupid broke I think. Last night my other half was doing his homework and told me that in the spring there’s a class he needs to take that is only at 2pm on Mondays. And I said, “Well crap, how are you supposed to do that?” (Because the man has a job, and I am trying to get my own R+F business off the ground while practicing my other brand new job: stay-at-home-mom. Which doesn’t come with a paycheck, in case you didn’t know.) So he is the only bread-winner and how can he just NOT work and go to class on Monday’s????  I know he has a plan. He probably thinks about how he can do the nursing program full time while neither of us are working, and at the same time pay all our bills. He probably thinks about it so much he’s going crazy too. But he isn’t so good at verbalizing his thoughts, which means I have no idea what his plans are. I’m just freaking out thinking I quit my own job too soon and we have no money. It’s hard to have faith in someone who tells you absolutely nothing because he’s so introverted I think he forgets what words are sometimes.

But meanwhile we have zero cash, just credit and assets that you can’t turn into cash quick enough. And I thought last night: Oh My God. I need to hit my knees. I need to pray because I don’t know how we are going to make ends meet. And I’m also thinking, y’all, I have a spending problem. I have worked since I was 15 and I spend my money because I earned it.  I’m not a saver, I’m a spender. Money comes and money goes.  And even though I’m not spending money only on frivolous things, because I have to be honest that I DO spend it on stuff I don’t need, you simply cannot make money without spending it! Not when you are trying to start a business anyway. How do I get a grip on spending?? How do I budget?? How do I do all of this wisely? Help!! I need a personal accountant, for free!

Which brings me back to the question, what is Daily Bread? Is it whatever I need in the day to get me through? Is it love, or money, or success, or health, or is it real food, is it the Bible? Is it R+F customers? Is it someone to help me budget? I guess it doesn’t matter, because whatever it is I know that I’m getting it daily. Heck, I had flour and sugar and salt and yeast and water and I made BREAD today! Thank you Jesus! I need a reminder that He feeds the little birds in the field and we will not go hungry. I need God to give me a big hug and a big paycheck.

And then while I’m freaking out (both last night and right now), I really do feel God giving me a hug. What am I panicking for? Hahahaha so silly. I have absolutely nothing to fear because God is for me, so who can stand against me? Tax returns are coming and mine is going to be good. I netted less then 25k this year, I have two kids, and I have my own business – the tax write offs will be excellent. I have a husband who adores me and has faith in me and all of my abilities. I have children who love me and whom I love and they are healthy and smart and they are perfect. Paxton full of Peace and Eleonora full of Love. We are incredibly blessed. I do have money in the bank which I purposefully cut myself off from. I have a 401k for an earth shattering emergency, God forbid. We have family, we have friends, we have a community of other believers in our lives that can cover us in prayer at the drop of a hat.  We have paid all our bills this month. We have gifts under the tree. We have fresh baked bread on the counter and food in the pantry.

Thank you Jesus for reminding me to have faith, and that it will be okay.  Rodan + Fields is an amazing company, they make an amazing product that can literally change people’s lives. I am already successful at it and that success is going to grow. And the biggest LIFE CHANGER of all, He’s right here next to me in spirit, giving me a big hug and telling me to calm down. Write your blog, drink your coffee, cry a little, and then go eat that daily bread girl…

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