Times of My Life

My inspiration for this format came from the girl in the hat.

~1982
Boy met girl. Love and marriage, love and marriage, go together like a horse and carriage…

~1983
Water Pig is born in San Diego, CA. Mom almost hemorrhages to death giving birth, and Pops holds her tiny little hand in his for hours; contemplating life without his wife and the beauty of his daughter’s fierce grasp around his thumb

~1985
Thought tarantulas were super cool and apparently tried to pet one found on a tennis court. Mom almost passed out. Saw a rhinoceros at the San Diego Zoo and pointed, gestured, and hysterically chattered for about 3 minutes solid. Pops says he’ll never forget it

~1986
Move to Las Vegas, NV and little brother the Fire Tiger is born

~1989
Another little brother, the Earth Snake is born

~1989
Move to New Mexico. Water Pig busted out two front teeth in a bicycle accident and sheared off her big toenail all in the space of 9 months…perhaps a foreshadowing that NM is not the place for her…?

~1990
Move to OK. Water Pig, Fire Tiger, Earth Snake and parents go on mission trips to South America. Dress up as mimes and get lots of attention on the streets for our towheadedness. Water Pig finally gets her own bedroom and one night even sleeps outside in a hammock in the front yard

~1992
Move to the Washington, DC area. Mother Goose homeschools her little piglet, tiger cub and snake until all her hair goes gray and off to public school they go

~1994
Water Pig exemplifies George Washingtonian honesty when she snitches on herself. Spends the night with Audrey and sneaks out of the house at 1am, excitedly adventuring off to the corner 7-11, picked up by a cop and brought home again. Audrey’s parents don’t want to tell Water Pig’s parents, but Water Pig cannot tell a lie, so she tells them herself. Pops makes her write an essay, topic: Honor Thy Father and Mother; grounded for a week

~1995
The last little brother is born, the Wood Pig. Water Pig was at first devastated that Wood Pig was not a girl, but after a good sob realizes that little sisters grow up to steal your barbies and borrow your clothes, so maybe it’s ok after all

~1996
Move to Hot Springs, Arkansas. Not a lot of great family memories there. Rather shitty little town.  Spend an entire summer reading until 3am and sleeping in until 1pm. Pops forbade such laziness ever again, but Les Miserables, The Far Pavilions, The Gulag Archipelago, and other such books help distract from all that teenage angst. Has the biggest fight of her life with Pops and constantly frets about stretch marks

~1998
Move to Muskogee, OK. Yeah…proud to be an Okie from Muskogee. Pops says “If you don’t have a vision you need supervision.” Becomes mortal enemies to both her parents, and boys are like alien species. Flies alone to England to visit Opa. Coolest trip of her life and on the way home misses the last flight from Memphis. Stayed overnight in the airport and felt like a real grown up

~2001
Graduate highschool. Supervision sounds pretty good about now, no idea what to do in life. Accepted into OU but that sounds too predictable, skip that. Spend every waking minute with best friend in the world Katy, talking about life and love and watching her little boy grow up. Get drunk for the very first time and spend the evening clutching the porcelain throne. Katy still has embarrassing photos of that night…o.m.g. P.S. Parents divorce, saw that coming in 1996

~2002
Escape. Move to the Netherlands. Learn Dutch and develop real relationships with mom’s side of the family. Adopted pseudo-mom Harriet introduces her to the beautiful music of Simply Red and reinforces the mantra that one must be true to oneself. Have the first real boyfriend ever

~2004
Move back to Oklahoma, work a couple of odd jobs…pretty aimless

~2006
Move to New Mexico. Meet a boy. Fall in love for the first time. (Epic Disaster)

~2009
Finally break up with Epic Disaster. Heart is in smithereens and don’t know how to pick up all the pieces. Will never be the same. Second best friend in the whole world, Kristine, probably saves her life. Fall in love again, this time with Metal Monkey.

~2010
Metal Monkey is everything Epic Disaster wasn’t, only to find out monkeys and pigs aren’t friends, in fact they learn how to tear up each others hearts even worse than the first time. Now the smithereens are in smithereens. But Water Pig doesn’t know what love is without strife

~2011
Water Pig and Metal Monkey have a baby, Metal Rabbit. Light of her life and joy of her heart (which is still in smithereens that have a life of their own, creeping and wiggling across the floor trying to find the leftover bits of the whole and glue themselves back together)

~2012
A new day, a new dawn. If Metal Rabbit is ever to learn the reality of healthy love, as in not dysfunctional and abusive, then Water Pig must lead by example. You can’t teach what you haven’t learned. Metal Monkey doesn’t understand and probably never will

~2013
Started a blog to say all of that! Haha! Finally in love with my life and learning to love myself.

~2014
Notified that current employer would be laying virtually everyone off. Applied for the Foreign Service and *drum roll* was accepted! Dream job, stable paycheck, custody battle of the century???? TBD…

~2014
Lost that court case: take the job (move) and hand over full custody or decline the job (stay) and custody stays as is. Well no job is worth losing my son over so sayonara. Oh, and come September 2015 I’ll join the ranks of the unemployed. FML

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3 responses to “Times of My Life

  1. Hi WP — I just wanted to say “hi” and appreciate your blog. I see you’re joining the specialist class in September and have a 3 year old. I’m joining the August generalist class, and my wife and I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter — so I’m reaching out to make friends that have about the same age kid. If you’d like, please send me a note on my private email 🙂 Best wishes, and good luck on this exciting new career!

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